I have a detailed form that clients need to fill out before we start together, it spans 28 pages. Some of it is about someone’s past and current medical history, but a lot is just about getting to know the individual as a person, because we’re going to be working closely together over the next five months.

One of the questions on the form asks, “Describe your perfect day. Where are you? What do you do? Who do you do it with?”

What is fascinating about the answer to this question is how simple it is for nearly everyone.

People don’t talk about hiring a private jet and flying to some tropical island. They don’t mention going to some Michelin star restaurant. They aren’t describing going on some spending spree at some designer clothes place.

What people mostly talk about is hanging out with family and friends. Having a relaxing day around the house or going to the beach and just taking it easy. It often involves some nice food and some wine, but typically it’s made at home (or some holiday place they go to every year).

It’s the simple pleasures that people are most drawn towards.

I’m bringing this up because it highlights for me some important points that are worth remembering.

The first is that never in people’s descriptions is there a weight focus. They don’t talk about “waking up and I’m size 6, when I’m normally a size 16”.

Their perfect day is spent with people who accept them for who they are. Where they can be relaxed and not have to keep up a façade. It’s with people who provide them with unconditional love, not love on the condition they look a certain way or weigh a certain amount.

The second is that people’s perfect day is something that is completely in reach and in their control. People aren’t talking about renting out Richard Branson’s Necker Island, that costs £40,000 a night and is clearly out of reach for all but the exceptionally wealthy. They are experiencing their perfect day at home or some holiday destination that is somewhere they can go again.

For most of the people, the response that they put for their perfect day, is actually something that they could do every weekend. Yes life gets busy and we have so many things we “should” be doing, but this doesn’t change how doable this perfect day really is. With some forethought, learning to put themselves first and saying no more often, they could experience this joy more regularly.

The third point I want to cover is around appreciation. When someone is experiencing many of the facets of their perfect day in life, how much are they in the moment and actually appreciating it?

So many of the components of someone’s perfect day is stuff that they do regularly. They are getting to eat with family, they are getting to go for a walk, they are getting to watch a movie on the sofa.

But when they are doing this, even if not all of these things happen on one day, are they appreciating these moments? Because what I see happening is that people’s lives include these things, but that they’re too distracted to appreciate them when they are happening.

The difference between being happy or sad (or even just indifferent) isn’t so much the circumstance, but your thought pattern during the situation. People can be doing the things that on paper should be creating happiness but they’re thinking about everything else (or all the other things they’re missing out on) and so they don’t get the benefit.

In the last couple of years I’ve become very conscious with what creates happiness for me and therefore how I should spend my time.

I moved out to the countryside because I didn’t want to live in the city anymore and wanted more space and greenery.

I wake up every morning and get to spend time cooking a delicious breakfast while listening to a podcast. I then get to eat it with my girlfriend so we have that time together.

I spend 90-120 minutes a day outside walking the dog, every single day. Taking in the fresh air and the countryside

I’ve created a business that allows me to do the things I love and am good at. This has been a work in progress and it has taken years to get to this place but I’ve been very conscious with where I wanted to take it. I get to spend large chunks of time each week writing and being creative. I get to record podcasts. I get to speak to clients and figure out how we can make their life better.

(Notice that I said “I get to” not “I have to”, there’s a difference).

I play golf. A lot. It is the hobby that has totally captivated me and so it is the thing I give my time to. In the summer I’ll play two, three, sometime four rounds a week.

I love reading and watching documentaries. I can sit down on the couch and watch two or three documentaries in a row on the weekend. I can also put on music and just read for hours.

I cherish the relationship with my girlfriend. We are both independent people and have our own hobbies (my love of golf works so well because Ali loves horse riding and is out doing this multiple times each week and most weekends). But when we get to spend time together, phones are put away and it’s just us connecting.

These are the things that are components of my perfect day. Because I’ve been specific about it, I get to experience some or all of them every day. And when I do, I am conscious of and appreciate them.

It’s too easy to get lost in the clouds about how amazing it would be to have this or that (things often totally out of our reach). But when people are really truthful about what makes them happy, it’s the simple stuff. And it’s the stuff you can do today or this weekend, not some unspecified time in the future. We just need to make it a priority and when it does happen, learn to be in the moment and appreciate it. And when you do this, your “perfect day” can be a reality that you get to experience regularly.

Getting Help On Your Recovery Journey

I’m a leading expert and advocate for full recovery. I’ve been working with clients for over 15 years and understand what needs to happen to recover.

I truly believe that you can reach a place where the eating disorder is a thing of the past and I want to help you get there. If you want to fully recover and drastically increase the quality of your life, I’d love to help.

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